You there! Have you met our good friend Willy? Well, let us introduce you. What Willy Cook is a proper talented internet chef, which means he not only makes good grub but also good jokes. Recently we thought that Willy might need a little break from all that cooking, so for a treat, he took us on a grand tour of London to drink pints and eat some food made by someone else. And now, to get you two pally, he’s gonna tell us all about it. Isn’t that nice of him?
What Willy Cook
"The day started, as most days do, with me waking up and going for a big wee. I had a haircut from Trimran the barber and then made my way over to the Lazy Oaf Shoreditch store to begin my big day out. Will - my manager, was there already and we popped on our full Lazy Oaf regalia and went outside to meet Pete. Pete was the driver for the day. The tuktuk driver. He was relentlessly speedy and knew the streets of London like the back of his satnav.
First stop was the Pride of Spitalfields on Heneage Street just off Brick Lane. It's a classic East End boozer. It's got pork scratchings and it's got cold pints of Stella. It was around 1pm and there was an abundance of proper blokes standing outside being visibly confused by our colorful trousers and our perhaps even more colorful method of transport.
Beigel Bake on Brick Lane was our next stop. It was lunch time. It was rammed. Crammed even. We asked Pete if he fancied a bagel because cycling a pair of fat idiots around all day is probably going to help muster up an appetite, however he said no; luckily in a hilarious mayonnaise based mix up he ended up with one anyway.
We asked for 2 salt beef with mustard and gherkins and for one to have mayo in as well. This was interpreted as a three bagel order and I ended up with the bagel with the fattest slab of salt beef in it and just mayo. It was quite weird but oddly peng. A lot like Yolandi Visser out of Die Antwoord but much less South African, and edible.
There was a small trip to an offy next. Can't remember which offy it was but it was opposite the bagel shop. I grabbed some cans of Kronenburg for the journey to our next stop. We hopped back on the tuktuk for our longest stretch to get to Novelty Automation.
Novelty Automation is a strange shop in Holborn with some slightly communisty homemade arcade games. I can imagine it would be a fantastic place to take the kids if you're a bit of a weird family. It would also probably be amazing if you'd done a load of mushrooms. For me at around 2.30pm on a Thursday afternoon, I found it all a bit much.
One of the games was two tokens to help a model couple get a divorce and literally tear their home apart. We left after twenty or so minutes and found a pub called The Enterprise. It was a charming little gaff and I would love to go back and have more pints.
After this it was time for an outfit change and a journey to the Soho Lazy Oaf store. We dressed ourselves in matching fruit salad printed suits and then we trundled off to the Dog and Duck. The finest pub in Soho. A couple of GnTs were consumed there whilst doing a bit of people watching. It really is the perfect Soho pub in my opinion. Absolutely tiny so that everyone has to pour out onto the street and chat and smoke and drink and be merry.
Our last stop was The Windmill, which we’ve been told was once the home of Lazy Oaf’s own pub landlord, Gemma. We didn't go inside because it was also out on the street vibes but overall it was a wonderful place and a fitting end to a wonderful day. If Lazy Oaf ever offer to send you round London on a tuktuk with a man named Pete then you should definitely take them up on that offer."