This was really tough and I did alot of tea dribbling and there was biscuits going down the wrong way coming to a decision on this one. First prize goes to Dee with monsieur Schmellow:
Monsieur Schmellow has a problem pronouncing 'y's so rather than
saying "Yellow" he says "Schmellow". He is very popular within the gypsy community as he has spent a lot of money to overcome his problem.
He had a long-term relationship which ended recently because his girlfriend,Yite, had enough of Monsieur Schmellow calling her 'Shite'.
Since then he's been hanging around with Martin enjoying chicken tikka masala and persuading his hobby of collecting chocolate wrappers.
But we also have four runners up who will each receive a make your own monster pack and some monster badges in no particular order, pippa's entry was very touching, I feel the totp angst, goodbye old friend:
He works in the biggest onion and stripey top farm in France, making onion jam. He is sad for many reasons. The over exposure to thousands of onions daily has left his eyes mega sensitive, causing him to uncontrollably start weeping whenever he steps outside into the light of day with air attacking his eyeballs. This is not good. His feet are also too small to squish up the onions for the onion jam efficiently, therefore leaving him with the smallest load of squished onions at the end of each shift (how embarrassing!). He also can't pull any women because he smells far too bad of onions plus his misshapen head is the wrong size to fit sunglasses. Oh dear. He loves fashion magazines, however his small wage can hardly cover the price of just one fashion magazine at his local newsagents, so he has to make do with Top of the Pops magazine. But now that show is cancelled will they still make the magazine? Hes in a mental crisis about this issue. He is also lactose intolerant, crikey...no cakes for him!
I love any story that features meat based snacks, well done Jennifer Harris who wrote:
His name is AUGUSTUS
My goodness Augustus loved Spam. Everything he ate involved Spam someway or another(I won't go into it you will end up with messy thoughts). On Saturday his friend Martin invited him round his, to chill and watch Augustus' favourite film; 'BABE'. Now to put things in perspective Augustus often claimed he loved 'Babe' nearly as much as Spam on toast.
So there was Augustus stuffing in the spammy popcorn like there was no tomorrow, when Martin piped up, " Just think that Spam looked like 'Babe' once, how does that make you feel???"
Augustus slowly chewed the remaining bits of popcorn in his mouth and a few monster moments later something clicked in Augustus' thought box........
Have you ever heard a monster cry?? I will tell you something for nothing....try and avoid it if possible.
Augustus is now a major fan of Tofu, but still gets upset about his past misunderstanding.
Wow may I just say a big up to Lora who composed like the best poem ever:
Name: Purple Claire the Unfair Pear
D.O.B: 14 February 1999
Purple Claire the Unfair Pear:
You can't pretend that you don't care.
The tears are real, believe you me,
She was abandoned by her family!
Although it happened long ago
The pain's still real, as I'm sure you know.
She just wants a nice new home,
Somewhere to live, where she's not alone.
Can you help her dreams come true?
Oh course you can, you know what to do!
Just call her name, shout it out,
She'll come running without a doubt.
You can't miss that yellow hair...
It's Purple Claire the Unfair Pear!
And finaly we come to Coby, all your entries were good, I can also see the similarity to Bob Fossil, but I can see an aging rock star in him and to die for socks.
coby wrote: Due to a Wham! related episode many a moon ago, this poor chap went into a deep slumberous stupor, only to awake 4 weeks (which equals 10 years in Monsterville) later with a receding blonde coiffant! It was then he decided to devote his life to the 'Wham! Related Episode Foundation', (WREF LTD) which specialises in fixing the hair of many a traumatized concert goer the world over (he also has a sideline in fancy spangly socks...but thats not profitable, he does that for the sheer liquid joy it gives him) He is sad due to the fact hes the only member of WREF LTD, and that only his mother buys his socks.
His name? Well its Pedro of course. He changed his name when but a young monster, due to finding Artipellinooushka the Adventurous Hair Bouffer just too much work to spell at job interviews. x x x x
thanks to all who entered, especially simon who has plagued me with Tits johnson requests. Well until next time....
Lazy Oaf x